Many of you have asked about our staff and for the most part I have refrained from sharing because 1) I'm a bit embarrassed that we have staff and 2) I am not so sure how I like it. It seems petty to pick on such a convenience but it can be a hassle too.
We were fortunate to settle into a household helper that has made us very happy and comfortable in our home from the beginning. I still would not trade her for any amount of gold, even with the prices of gold going up. She has been a blessing and so helpful dealing with everyday things that I have NO IDEA how to do. Plus I think she might save me as much money each month negotiating my grocieries as I pay in her salary. When she does the shopping for me (most often) she is able to get much better prices on everything. Just this past weekend I was out and knew I needed eggs. I asked our driver if he could bring me to the market to get eggs where he would take our household helper. He asked if he should buy the eggs or did I want to get out of the car. I knew what he meant so I asked him, “Will eggs cost me more than they will for you?” Emphatically he said “Oh yes madam!” Sad but true, when household staff does the shopping, I save money. Problem for some people is that this is not always the case. Sometimes one hires a staff member that will pad the bills and the inflated prices pad the staff’s wallet. I feel very fortunate and equally as confident, that I have not had this problem with our household helper. But she is proving to be not always perfect. I have asked her not to put away the children’s clothes. Partly because I don’t think it is too much to ask these kids to do something for themselves but the other part is she really has no idea who wears what and all of the clothes get mixed into each other’s drawers. To us, it is obvious that a size 10 boy’s shirt does not belong to Mister but it seems harder when you have a female pre-teen, teen and Momma. To her credit she does not put the kids’ clothes away any longer but Mister and I have to live with it and know that our drawers are on display. In a literal sense as well, our clothes are dried on the rack in our front living room. I asked for the clothes to be kept in the house while drying because it was making some female household members a bit crazy looking for a piece of clothes only to have it up on the roof drying. I asked for the clothes to be dried only inside the house. Problem is I then have to explain that when the music teacher or maintenance or the half a dozen other people who seem to need access to my home in any given week come through my house, especially those of the male gender, I would really prefer any bras, undergarments, male or female, please be politely removed from the drying rack which is delicately placed in the center of the living room for the world to view. As if the flow of people coming through here doesn’t expose us enough, sharing the colors of our undergarments- we would really prefer it to remain a private matter. It feels silly to think that other people seeing our underwear is embarrassing when on any given day as we drive from here to there we see countless children with no pants on, people bathing or men urinating at every given wall. It is still my underwear and I would prefer to keep it private. Trust me, you would prefer I keep my underwear private as well.
So small corrections seem small but if not addressed can become much larger issues. We have recently hired a cook for a few nights each week. I thought it would be nice to have a few nights to not think about meals and leave it to the cook. Sounds nice to most people I would think. As long as all the groceries are from my house I would know if the ingredients were safe for our allergies. We only buy gluten free items, so all is safe. We have had gluten free Indian dishes in many different forms but it all tastes the same, like Indian cooking. Unfortunately for me it is not appreciated by more members in our household, so the cook needed a little talking to. We addressed different types of cooking and ways to communicate the different ideas. She told me she could read so I left recipes. The recipes were not followed but the pictures were. She did not read English so well. So I left recipes with translations into Hindi. Followed a bit better but she does not understand western cooking. I asked her to clarify what she meant when she said she "does western cooking" during our interview. She launched into a long story of how she has many certificates in cooking and the neighbor downstairs has seen them. (We both share the cook; neither of us wants to commit to a full week of cooking so we share the joy). She tells me how she knows many cooking styles and different recipes. I asked her to share the recipes with me so I could see if they will work for our family. Trouble is the recipes are all in her head, not on paper. Now how convenient is the cook? I know the logical answer is to fire her and start again but remember the kids with no pants and people bathing near the streets…I can’t just let a person go without work because of my petty pallet and the pallet of those I eat with. Plus I have turned this into a positive for me. Now whenever I cook the family loves what I have made, not because I have increased my cooking capability but because my cooking is western and not just from a picture.
We also have one more driver. Ahhhh, the driver. People will tell you the driver is the most important hire you can make while living overseas. I am not about to challenge that statement but I am going to point out, the more that statement is stated, the larger the heads of those applying for the position of driver become. I have yet to meet a more arrogant bunch of applicants in my life. They know that they have what I want; they have confidence to drive on the roads in Delhi. And these guys are not afraid to put their thumbs in their ears, wag all fingers and with their tongues out spit raspberries in my direction: Nah nah nah to you madam. Most of the time I feel like I am at the driver's mercy and it bothers me because it is MY car. I stress to the drivers we have had that it is my car, not Mister’s car or the family car but MY car. In reality the car is not registered to just me. It can’t be because I am of the female gender and married. Paperwork would get all clogged up and bureaucracy would halt just trying to explain how a car could be registered to a female who is married. Heck, I am not so sure a woman could even register her husband’s death. She might need her husband to do that for her. I am not looking to investigate that further though, mind you.
As relaxing as it may seem to have someone to take care of the little niceties in life, it is a full time job managing the staff. Just like any other business, sometimes the employees don’t get along and I have to intervene to make our needs the priority. Please check your attitude at the door and remove your shoes before entering. I need to train and come up with creative ways to make my point because of communication differences. And I need to make it comfortable for my families’ needs to be met and not get pulled into the drama of others, no matter how real or made up the drama may be. It is uncomfortable to know that my family has so much while others have so little but we must draw a line, and for me the hardest part to learn is living with the line that is drawn. It is the struggle of opposites that I repeat. So it goes the day to day life with staff.
